As my brother continues to take care of dad’s estate, it finally came time for us to come together to start figuring out what any of us wants to keep and what stuff is just not worth our hassle. So, I made a jaunt up to NY to visit by myself since we have to be careful about using Kimmie’s personal time up, and, well, she’s stated many a time that this is for us to figure out. This trip had been planned very early on in the pregnancy, so we also knew that the timing would be about right for us to let them know the Parasite was on its way, and that we would not be coming for Christmas this year. Obviously, they took it well. Unfortunately, we had a lot of work to be done (and still more that I had to leave to them, sorry guys) in the rain, so it was mostly a dreary trip.
I had lots of time to think over things, which of course means over think things.
I looked around at the garage by myself, on the last day, proud that I had been able to hold a stone face, but realizing that, barring anything strange, that that would be my last time in that house and in that garage. The property will be sold, and by the time I return, it’ll likely no longer have these buildings, and even if they are still there, I won’t be able to get into them. Many a flashback came to me, memories of a pot of hot chocolate warming on the wood stove, and working with dad to build picnic tables, and of course, the memory of climbing in the rafters when my parents had briefly lost track of me as my dad was finishing up the garage way back when.
Yeah, my child is going to scare me at times, and I’m going to berate myself for looking away for that instant. It’s going to happen, and I need to understand that. It isn’t about being perfect, it’s about being there to share in the experience. Just as my mom and dad were, once they calmed down and I was back on the ground.
While neither mom and dad are with us now, and that’s sad, the big thing I need to remember is that I am a result of their legacy, and that my child is as well. And so, while I cannot say to the Parasite “here’s your grand{m|p}a”, I can nonetheless know that their presence is felt because they made me who I am and that will obviously have influence on my child, even if they aren’t here to see it. Of course, one of my bigger responsibilities is to teach this child how to gain such an appreciation for these things as well, and understand their intent.
Ugh, I’m going to so over think this. I think I should pour a drink in their honor, and relax.